During a recent interview with Essence, Divorce Court Judge Faith Jenkins spoke about the significant lessons she’s learned about love throughout her life and how she manifested her husband, Kenny Lattimore.

One of the most important messages from her first book, “Sis, Don’t Settle: How to Stay Smart in Matters of the Heart,” was that “pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.”

Jenkins said that she was inspired to write the book based on her personal and professional life experiences.

“It started with family court in New York and then on my show Judge Faith and now on Divorce Court,” she told the outlet. “I just became acutely aware of where so many women make mistakes when it comes to a lot of the choices that we make when we’re on this path to attracting the love that we really want.”

Jenkins said that the biggest problem in dysfunctional relationships that she has seen in her career is that people want to marry their potential instead of their reality.

Related Story: ‘Dear White People’s’ Ashley Blaine Featherson-Jenkins Recounts Her Wedding, Calling It ‘Anointed’

“People who want to marry potential while dating somebody’s reality. That’s what I see all the time,” she said. “They come in and say, ‘I love this person, but I want them to change.’ You can’t change someone who doesn’t see an issue with their actions.”

In her book, Jenkins talks about her personal dating life, including things that she wishes she would have known when she was dating, communication dos and don’ts, dealing with breakups, the importance of forgiving and moving on, and many other love-related topics. 

The judge also talks about dealing with the pressure of fans who would inquire why she was still single, which would sometimes urge her to get into relationships with the wrong men. 

“I embraced the fact that I was living my journey and no one else’s,” she said. “There are almost eight billion people on this planet. We can’t all be doing the same thing at the same time.”

She added, “I wasn’t going to let anyone make me feel like because I wasn’t married by a certain age that there was something wrong with me or that I was off on some timeline of life.”

Jenkins told the outlet that instead of forcing herself to date and rushing into relationships, she decided to manifest what she wanted out of her future. 

“I sat down, I got clear, I wrote down what I wanted and decided that how I was going to think and how I was going to believe would change,” she said.

“‘You will not hold onto a relationship when it’s time for it to end. You will let go. You will radically accept the end of this relationship’ — separating my feelings from the facts. ‘The fact is this door is being closed because obviously, a bigger, better door is opening for me. I will accept that, and that’s exactly what’s going to happen for me.’”

“I said, ‘I will meet my husband,’” she added, “and six months later, I met my husband.”

Jenkins and Lattimore met on a blind date set up by a friend of the judge. The two hit it off and have lived happily ever after since.