The first Black bachelor on ABC’s The Bachelor, Matt James, admitted that he felt pressure to pick a Black woman. James was asked by comedian Arsenio Hall if he felt pressured to choose a Black woman while appearing on The Ellen DeGeneres Show on Sept. 24. Hall was guest-hosting the show.

James, whose mom is white, said that he felt pressure from both sides.

“It was a lot,” he said. “On both sides, because, you know, my dad’s Black and my mom’s white. There was pressure on both sides. But ultimately, your heart leads you where love is and that’s what I followed.”

“At one point, I didn’t recognize how offensive and racist my actions were, but that doesn’t excuse them,” said Kirkconnell. “My age or when it happened does not excuse anything. They are not ok or acceptable in any sense. I was ignorant, but my ignorance was racist.”

The couple broke up initially after Kirkconnell’s past was revealed. However, the couple has since gotten back together. James stated Kirkconnell is educating herself about racism and doing the work. He posted a bible verse to Instagram in honor of her birthday on Sept. 26.

“Be strong and courageous,” he wrote. “Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you – Deuteronomy 31:6. Happy Birthday to my emergency contact @rachaelkirkconnell ❤️🥳🎂. I love you.”